Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Parody of Reverend Lowery's Inaugural Benediction

The original benediction:
Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get back, when brown can stick around -- (laughter) -- when yellow will be mellow -- (laughter) -- when the red man can get ahead, man --(laughter) -- and when white will embrace what is right.
And my benediction...

Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day...

When the Taliban are not Sacred Cows again.


When political correctness will not infect us.

When our Constitution trumps Congress' intrusion.


When our gas will not be taxed.


When the dead man does not give up his bread, man.


When our president is born a resident.


When a platitude has some facts, dude.

When family values trumps tranny values.
When the Left will not resort to theft.
When the Center will choose a gender.


And when the Right will put up a fight.

Amen!

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Cultural Agitators Hijack Oscars

In light of the Oscars, it is obvious that Hollywood is one of the most politically and religiously slanted social institutions in America. Upon accepting the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for Milk, gay activist Dustin Lance Black proclaimed:

When I was 13 years old, my beautiful mother and my father moved me from a conservative Mormon home in San Antonio, Texas to California, and I heard the story of Harvey Milk. And it gave me hope. It gave me the hope to live my life. It gave me the hope one day I could live my life openly as who I am and then maybe even I could even fall in love and one day get married.

I wanna thank my mom, who has always loved me for who I am even when there was pressure not to. But most of all, if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he'd want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches, by the government or by their families, that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights federally, across this great nation of ours.

Thank you. Thank you. And thank you, God, for giving us Harvey Milk.

Milk only grossed $31,279,982 worldwide, a disappointment considering it stars Sean Penn. Wall-E, nominated for the same award, grossed $534,741,772 worldwide. This is not to suggest that the award is solely based on the size of the audience. Evidently, it's based on the sexual orientation of the audience. Consequentially, Milk received more attention at the Oscars than it did at the box office.

As a result of Hollywood's preferential treatment of a film based on its worldview, I figured I grant the same appreciation for films that didn't necessarily top the box office, but deserve credit for advocating the values of God, family, and country. These films represent a counter-cultural market that has met a demand for taste and representation.

The Passion of The Christ

Shortly before The Passion of The Christ hit movie theaters nationwide, Entertainment Weekly asked on the cover, "Can Mel Gibson Survive 'The Passion of The Christ'?"

Not only did this film survive, it became the highest grossing non-English film and most successful R-rated film in the United States. The film went on to stump Hollywood elites, who had no prior idea how powerful the counter-cultural market could prove to be.

Aside from its profitability, the film portrayed the most powerful depiction of the crucifixion the world has ever seen.

Facing The Giants

Members of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia pull off an impressive film about Grant Taylor, a football coach who struggled to lead his team into a winning season for six years. Taylor and his wife also face the drama of infertility as they long to conceive a child.


Taylor's trials and tribulations are confronted when he brings God onto the team. Gradually, the Giants become confident in themselves and each other.

This film has plenty of humor in it as well.

Bobby Lee Duke is an egomaniacal coach who has led his team into the championship for years. As the Giants get their act together, Duke's ego is replaced by madness. As very few would suspect, this role was played by Sherwood Baptist associate pastor Jim McBride.

J.T. Hawkins Jr, and upbeat assistant coach (and a black man) pokes fun at Taylor's ongoing journey into baldness:

When a black man loses his hair. He still looks cool. Look at Michael Jordan... Samuel Jackson... [continues with all the black bald men he can think of] And what do you have? Cool Jack.

Fireproof

Described as "the best work of my life" by actor Kirk Cameron, Fireproof grossed $33,415,129 (more than Milk) and the highest grossing independent film of 2008. At the height of his career on Growing Pains, Cameron converted to Christianity and began insisting on more immaculate story lines.

Fireproof is the story of Caleb Holt, a firefighter who is brave and courageous on the job, but at home, his marriage is headed for divorce. The story begins with the classic breakdown of a relationship caused by a lack of love and respect. Throughout the film, the sins of Caleb and his wife come to a head. Caleb is not only addicted to internet pornography, but ignorant of his wife's family situation - her mother is disabled and in need of hospital equipment.

In an effort to save the marriage, Caleb's father gives him a book of daily guidelines to win back the love of his wife. Initially resistant to accepting God in his life, he is frustrated with the lack of recovery:

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you've done the last 20 days?

Caleb Holt: No! And you'd think after I washed the car, I've changed the oil, do the dishes, cleaned the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude. But she doesn't! In fact, when I come home, she makes me like I'm - like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, Dad. That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks, I have bent over backwards for her. I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?

John Holt: [touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question.

The Onion's Scott Tobias whacked the film, saying that "Fireproof gets hung up in a lot of Promise Keepers hoo-hah about reaffirming marriage as a covenant with God rather than a contract filed at City Hall." Regardless, Fireproof would go on to become Cameron's second most successful film in his career.

An American Carol

From Naked Gun producer David Zucker comes a slapstick political comedy, much in the vein of his previous work. Although Zucker voted for Al Gore in 2000, he credits such personalities as Dennis Prager and Charles Krauthammer for inspiring a change in his worldview.

Michael Malone (played by Kevin Farley) mimics the antics of Michael Moore as he vows to ban the Fourth of July with the help of a couple jihadist friends. Throughout his efforts, he meets General George S. Patton (Kelsey Grammer), among other American icons to persuade him to embrace his home country, rather than propagate against it.


The gags are mostly political, which alienates a good portion of the audience, but reaches out to a market that rarely attends to slapstick comedy. This may explain why Fox News ended up cancelling The 1/2 Hour News Hour, which was well-done, but would have found more success on Comedy Central.

American conservative talk radio personalities such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Mark Levin praised the political comedy, and encouraged their listeners to see it. Although it opened grossing only $3.8 million at the box office, it still topped Bill Maher's anti-religious Religulous.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

Ben Stein stars as the host of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, which challenges an atheistic scientific establishment to a debate over the origins of mankind. The science of intelligent design is addressed for the most part as a cultural struggle, but the film is sure to present such theories as irreducible complexity in order to validate its scientific merit.

Controversial from the get-go, the film dares to link the role of evolutionary theory to the most inhumane societies of the 20th century, especially Nazi Germany and the Former Soviet Union. The link to Hitler's extremes to wipe out "inferior" races resulted in a harsh condemnation from the Anti-Defamation League:

"The film Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed misappropriates the Holocaust and its imagery as a part of its political effort to discredit the scientific community which rejects so-called intelligent design theory. Hitler did not need Darwin to devise his heinous plan to exterminate the Jewish people and Darwin and evolutionary theory cannot explain Hitler's genocidal madness. Using the Holocaust in order to tarnish those who promote the theory of evolution is outrageous and trivializes the complex factors that led to the mass extermination of European Jewry."

In a courageous move, Stein confronts Richard Dawkins, the leading advocate against the intelligent design movement.

Richard Dawkins: We know the sort of event that must have happened for the origin of life.

Ben Stein: And what was that?

Dawkins: It was the origin of the first self replicating molecule.

Stein: Right, and how did that happen?

Dawkins: I've told you, we don't know.

Stein: So you have no idea how it started.

Dawkins: No, no. Nor has anyone.

Grossing nearly $3 million on its first weekend, Expelled became the third biggest opening for a documentary.

When we look at the lack of success from films such as Milk, and notice that they have been shined upon by the film industry, we come to understand that Hollywood has been hijacked by agenda-driven elitists who are at war through political activism.

What did Harvey Milk accomplish that was so significant? A lot, if you put sodomy on a pedestal. Nothing, if simply being a member of the San Fransisco Board of Supervisors and a cultural agitator is all that can be spoken of.