The Savage Franken Show

Every so often, I have to flaunt my artistic abilities in a considerably neurotic manner. Given that the Fairness Doctrine has been making the headlines, this is one of those times.

I had to wonder – what if we rounded up two of the most despised hosts in talk radio, put them in a studio, and let them fight it out? Unfortunately, I don’t have the hit squad to arrange such a meeting, so I did the next best thing – gathering various quotes, taking them out of context, and fomenting the same brand of satire they do – in a fictional dialogue that would have been golden for drama class.

Who best to feature but the bankrupt Air America’s Al Franken, a self-proclaimed satirist, and Michael Savage, the loose cannon of the Talk Radio Network, who describes himself as “a bit of Plato, Henry Miller, Jack Kerouac, Moses, Jesus, and Frankenstein?”

For as outrageous as this fictional meeting is, I couldn’t imagine the civility factor to get any better if you put the two of them in the same studio together.


Here's the video:




Here's the script:

MICHAEL SAVAGE: By what Jimmy Carter has been doing, he is basically fomenting anti-Semitism. He is gonna turn the world against the Jews. The entire world will be turned against the Jews, because Jimmy Carter is a lying, anti-Semitic pig. Now, write that down. Make sure that Media Matters gets that correctly. That group of swine at Media Matters, who take me out of context. Make sure you don't take this one out of context: Jimmy Carter is an anti-American, anti-Semitic swine.

AL FRANKEN: I have to tell you that I get anti-semitic all the time. I mean, just constantly. You know, "Dear Jew-face, you're a dumb Jew 'f'," you know, "Jesus Christ is gonna come down and 'f' you in your stupid Jew rectum," you know, that kind of -- all the time.

SAVAGE: We keep hearing from Wolf Blitzer, the greatest quisling in the media's history. You know, --

FRANKEN: I think that --

SAVAGE: No, no, let me explain why Wolf Blitzer is so anti-Semitic. He doesn't want to appear too Jewish. So he's the worst of the bunch. He's the type who would have let children into the gas chamber in order to stay alive an extra day, in my estimation. The little, bearded Wolfy boy.

FRANKEN: I don't think so.

SAVAGE: He's probably the most despicable man in the media next to Larry King, who takes a close runner-up by the hair of a nose. The two of them together look like the type that would have pushed Jewish children into the oven to stay alive one more day to entertain the Nazis.

FRANKEN: So we're not that much dumber than the rest of the world.

SAVAGE: [Quoting Marcus Tullius Cicero] "A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely. -- "

FRANKEN: [Imitating Rush Limbaugh] "75% of all, uh, Americans on the minimum wage, my friend, are teenagers in their first job."

SAVAGE: I can't take this crap anymore.

FRANKEN: I was this mirror image of Rush Limbaugh.

SAVAGE: Why is he even taken seriously? Why don't the Jews get up and spit in his face?

FRANKEN: Okay everybody, I gotta go.

Cokehead Comedian Party Officially Takes Over Congress

As you can tell, I haven't got around to adding much of anything on Social Surgery for a while. In part, this is because my new job has given me very little free time, and also, because I've grown tired of what it has become.

As the title may suggest, I, your doctor, will no longer prescribe my patients with sugar to make the medicine go down. You will enjoy shock therapy a lot more. If you grow weary of my disregard for the Fairness Doctrine, you can always check out Bill O'Reilly's No Spine Zone. After all, results may vary.

So how about that Cokehead Comedian Party?

On the first day as Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi managed to turn Congress into a day care center, proclaiming that this Congress will be "about the children." If she is implying rights for children to abort each other, then I certainly see her point.

Unless of course she referred to the other way the Democrats have been known to use hangers - by collectivization of wealth in exchange for an explosion of welfare programs that produce the exact opposite of its stated intentions, creating a lazy society of deadbeats that leech off anyone who makes an honest living. Already, there have been talks of tax hikes before the “first hundred hours” of the Great Leap Forward.

So it may help if I give you some history behind the “first hundred hours.” The term is a reference to a promise Franklin Roosevelt made to combat the Great Depression during his “first hundred days” as president. Little were you taught, FDR went on to fight unemployment like none other – by primarily drafting the unemployed into World War II.

After giving us a masculine bicep flex, the Wicked Witch of the West went on to further recognize the “arrogant white male” with a sinister comment about going “from the kitchen to Congress.” Anyone who knows the difference between Nancy Pelosi and apple pie knows all too well that she has lived a privileged life from the get-go. She was born into a political family, as the daughter and sister of mayors in Baltimore.

The congressional circus is expected to be followed by tampering with a robust economy with a massive minimum wage hike, and more importantly, blockage of a much-needed troop increase in Iraq. The sheeple may not have voted for cut and run, but a more effective strategy in Iraq. Sadly, it looks as though cut and run is not “off the table.”

As the president prepares to unveil his new plan for Iraq, he should expect plenty of resistance from the defeatists. Joe Biden and Harry Reid have predictably rushed to judgement against a troop increase. Why, you ask? Because they want to lose the war. But rather than show their true colors, they hide behind such decorated slogans as “phased redeployment”

In other words, put down your guns and surrender, but only after enough American troops get killed.